Mom With Cancer Forces Her Teenage Daughter To Shave Her Head Against Her Will

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Aug 21, 2023 5:00 PM EDT

There are a lot of different ways to support people with cancer. Usually, the most important ways are acts of service; signing up to cook meals for their family is a great step. Even just being an ear to listen and not to lecture can help enormously. While some people enjoy symbolic means of support, like wearing pink for breast cancer awareness month, it doesn't actually do much to support the people who are struggling with it. Shaving your head for someone is a similar act of service. While it makes some people (especially kids) feel like they're not in it alone, nobody should feel like they have to do that to support someone with cancer. A lot of the time, it's a vanity move for the person without cancer to show how supportive and what a good friend they are. This story turned that narrative on its head, and it's so sad to read. 

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  • 01
    Font - 1 r/AmltheAsshole u/Choice Disastrous4432 • 16h AITA for telling my wife off after getting our daughter to cut her hair off, even after being told not to?
    via u/ChoiceDisastrous4432
  • 02
    Font - My wife is currently battling cancer, and one of the things she's told me she's struggling with the most was losing her hair. She's been given a near 100% chance of survival since we caught it early, but the chemotherapy has destroyed her hair anyway, and she had to shave what was left of it off a few weeks ago.
    via u/ChoiceDisastrous4432
  • 03
    Font - Not long after that, she suggested we attempt to get our 17 year old daughter, Anna, to do so as well. Anna has very long hair that she puts a lot of care into so I felt it was appropriate to ask her in private if she wanted to/would be willing to do such a thing. She told me that she didn't want to cut her hair and I figured that was the end of that.
    via u/ChoiceDisastrous4432
  • 04
    Font - However yesterday they came home from a "girls shopping trip", something they do every so often, and Anna had a buzzed haircut. That struck me as odd after what she'd said, so after dinner I talked to her and she told me that my wife had said she would never forgive Anna if she didn't show her support by buzzing her head. I asked her if she was happy about it and she said that she wasn't.
    via u/ChoiceDisastrous4432
  • 05
    Font - When I went to bed, I brought it up with my wife and she said "it was Anna's choice to or not, I just told her how I'd see the situation." I told her off, saying she needed to respect Anna's personal choices and that a 17 year old girl being against shaving her head wasn't exactly out of the ordinary, however my wife simply said it was to show support for her.
    via u/ChoiceDisastrous4432
  • 06
    Font - I've been sleeping on the couch since. I love my wife, and I understand that she's going through something traumatic, however her attitude comes off as very manipulative to me, and that's not behavior I feel I can personally accept. I'm not sure if I can move past this to continue the relationship. AITA?
    via u/ChoiceDisastrous4432
  • 07
    Rectangle - Equivalent_Value2686 • 16h Certified Proctologist [21] 10 Awards NTA! You're wife is a flaming asshole! I'm sorry that she has cancer, but what she did to your daughter was very abusive! If she is unable to deal mentally with her disease and treatment, then she needs professional help, not to manipulate and coerce your daughter into making a choice that she didn't want to make. Make no mistake, she ABUSED your daughter. Honestly, cancer or no cancer, if I were in your shoes, I would
    via u/Equivalent_Value2686
  • 08
    Font - Expensive_Pain_5987 • 16h Exactly! This is abuse. Period. OP please support your daughter. I'm sorry your wife has cancer but what she did to your daughter is unforgivable. ... 6.4k
    via u/Expensive_Pain_5987
  • 09
    Font - Loud-Bee6673 - 12h 1 Award Wow. This is awful. I had cancer and my hair was a hot mess for a couple of years. But I wouldn't let ANYONE AT ALL shave their head in solidarity, especially not a minor with beautiful hair that she is proud of!! What exactly does this accomplish!! I still remember when I was getting my first PET scan as a new cancer patient. A guy who had been fighting cancer said to me, "I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but we are the lucky ones." We are the ones who
    via u/Loud-Bee6673
  • 10
    Font - DarkBluePhoenix • 13h ● Oh yeah, 1,000% emotional abuse and manipulation. The only thing that would be worse is if the wife is having a wig made with the daughter's hair... Speaking of wigs, buy your daughter a nice wig to make up for what your wife did because she's clearly not into the buzzed cut. Your daughter can wear that until her hair grows into where she's more comfortable. Don't buy your wife a wig because of what she coerced a 17 year girl old to do so that she would feel better
    via u/DarkBluePhoenix
  • 11
    Font - ΝΤΑ Ravinly • 16h I hope your daughter moves out when she can. Your wife was so manipulative. She was absolutely horrible. Stand by your daughter. Maybe get your wife into a support group. She sounds like she needs it desperately. Reply 3.5k
    via u/Ravinly
  • 12
    Font - JustAslCanBeSoCruel 13h Asshole Aficionado [14] I'm guessing this isn't the first time OP's wife has given her daughter reason to stop talking to her the second she is able to. This level of emotional blackmail doesn't come out of nowhere, and no, having cancer doesn't suddenly turn you into a raging POS.
    via u/JustAslCanBeSoCruel
  • 13
    Font - OP, this particular tale will haunt your daughter for the rest of her life. Your home is not a safe place for your daughter emotionally or mentally because her mother had made it very, very clear that her daughter's comfort mean nothing to her - your wife is bitter and cruel and has decided to force her daughter to shave her head because she herself has had to lose her hair.
    via u/JustAslCanBeSoCruel
  • 14
    Font - That's abuse. You need to revaluate a couple things and do what you can to provide your daughter a safe environment while she is still at home. Specifically, you need to ensure your daughter knows that you will ALWAYS be her advocate, and that she can call you if she needs you to come get her or intervene between you and your wife. If she doesn't have her own cell phone with your number in it, you need to get her one NOW. 656
    via u/JustAslCanBeSoCruel
  • 15
    Font - Serrated_Banana . 16h NTA, your wife wanted to use your daughter as a prop to her cancer. She knows she's going to survive (presumably) but she wants the attention she will get from it. Forcing your daughter to sacrifice something that is probably very memorable about her so people can gush about it is her way of getting more attention.
    via u/Serrated_Banana
  • 16
    Font - It's unbelievably toxic, what she's done. The manipulation is honestly shocking. The power behind showing support through shaving your head for a cancer patient is that it's unasked and voluntary. Just asking/demanding someone shave their head because you have cancer is wild. Reply 2.2k ...
    via u/Serrated_Banana
  • 17
    Font - AuntJ2583 • 15h Partassipant [1] NTA, your wife wanted to use your daughter as a prop to her cancer. She knows she's going to survive (presumably) but she wants the attention she will get from it. I think it's actually just pure jealousy. Mom lost her hair and hated that your daughter still had hers. 1.2k ...
    via u/AuntJ2583
  • 18
    Font - JomolaMomo . 16h Partassipant [1] 1 Award WTF??? Shaving your hair does absolutely NOTHING for a person fighting cancer! It doesn't make chemo and its side effects any easier. It doesn't make radiation and its side effects any easier. It doesn't make surgery and its side effects any easier.
    via u/JomolaMomo
  • 19
    Font - The ONLY thing it does is appeal to the vanity of the victim - if I have to be bald, no one around me should have hair! That is rude, cruel, self-centered, and extremely entitled. And very, very wrong. OP, just because your wife has cancer does not give her the right to force your daughter to do something this traumatic. You already know this. This would be a deal breaker for me - and I am a cancer survivor! If my spouse did this to my child, I would take the kid and walk out. There is no
    via u/JomolaMomo
  • 20
    Font - Just because you are sick does NOT give you the right to someone else's body. Tell your wife to grovel to your daughter for forgiveness and to go buy her as realistic of a wig as she can, ASAP. Otherwise, in one short year, she will lose her daughter forever, and she lose you right now. You are NTA! ... Reply 609
    via u/JomolaMomo
  • 21
    Font - FeeFiFooFunyon . 16h Partassipant [2] This would be a pretty bold manipulation move for her first try. I would reflect on if you have observed other instances of manipulation. Schedule some time with your daughter alone and check in to see if this is isolated. I suspect you won't find this to be the first time your daughter was guilted into things by your wife. ... Reply 159
    via u/FeeFiFooFunyon

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hair kids bald mother haircut haircuts parenting shaved dad cancer bad haircut daughter parent mom Parenting Fail parents Father Parenting FAILS
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